Happy Holidays Everyone:

Noah and Tim two fish working!

The ubiquitous umbrella.
Toronto a town like any other town where people dress in black and carry black umbrellas. Foggy rainy days bring out the device where ever you are. If you don't look black and ready to attack then you are a fish out of water.

Here is a story from my last days of working in Guelph.
I was biking to work and decided to take a side trail that wasn't part of the main road traffic. The trail follows the edge of a forest out in the Hanlon Creek watershed. It is well back from the road and you only see people out walking their dogs.
I was very surprised when I rode past a dead deer. It was lying just off of the trail and at the edge of the forest. My inclination was to keep going because I was running a bit late, but then I thought no this is not an accident.
I went to look at the deer and it was sort of horrific the state it was in. The hind quarter had been basically ripped off, one leg was missing and all of the fur. I was somewhat confused as to what happened. The road was a good ways away but obviously this deer had been hit by one and then somehow dragged itself through the business park across the trail and died right at the edge of the forest. I found this pretty amazing. The will involved to get back home was inspiring.

Life in the big smoke:

I recently started a new job in Toronto which is about an hour and a bit on the train form my fair city. It has been a great change for me and has offered all sorts of little obstacles to overcome, not least of which is adjusting to the new rules of home life.
We told our girls what the new rules were last weekend and I think they apply to life in a general sense:
rule one Pay attention
rule two listen
rule three what did I just say? pay attention.

So I am paying attention. So far I have made a good network on the train and have been listening to what people are saying and doing in their lives. It is fun.

Tim Bits
I was recently at a Tim Horton's ordering my lunch. I was ordering a turkey club sandwich and a bowl of soup which totaled almost $11.00. The cashier saw me fingering my debit card and said oh we don't accept debit here. Now this is not the first time this has happened to me at Tim Hortons but I have to say my reaction was the same this time as every other time: why the *&#* not? The answer, there is an ATM just around the corner.

Well I tried to figure out why a multimillion dollar service company does not provide this service. Is it for speed? I think this is the best possible spin you could put on it, but was my transaction not considered valuable enough, I was allowed to walk away around the corner and go get the money so everyone else wouldn't be slowed down? And yet every other fast food company in the world accepts debit.

Is it because Tim Horton's is only a donut shop and it doesn't make sense to allow debit on such small transactions? Then why was I spending my lunch money at Tim Horton's and why was I spending $11.00?

No the simple truth is that Tim Horton's is very sneakily, well maybe not too sneakily, passing on it's cost of doing business to the consumer. Why should I have to pay Tim Horton's ATM costs? Is it not better business to accept the cost of allowing debit cards from your loyal customers and take up your argument with the big bad boys of the financial services world?

I just don't get it, but I'm willing to look at real numbers, real complaints and see what the real problem is.

I'm listening to a cd by the Dalai Lama. A friend gave this to us and has called it OM His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. It is beautiful. I listen to it over and over when I am working around the house. It is amazing to walk into the house from outside. The trees are almost bare and the colours have been spectacular. And then the deep rich chant of the Dalai Lama. Amazing. I feel reinvigorated after listening to it.

Here in Guelph:
The election has a white knight in the Guelph Civic League. Hopefully this links you to the research on past voting by the current council.

The buddha and the light:


Last night at dinner I decided to light some candles and one of them was a bees wax buddha candle that someone had given me. I had already lit this at some other time and so most of the head was gone. When I put it on the table my daughters both said hey, it's the buddha! And then they looked at it as I lit it and said the buddha's head is gone. This made me reflect on the light and I said it is amazing isn't it that the more light the buddha gives the less of the buddha is present. I see this as part of the occupation of buddhism and enlightenment. Bring more light, be more open to the way, and more and more of the self, the ego, identity seems to disappear. Now, the point is the candle isn't disappearing, it is transmuting, becoming one with the flame, with the air, with everything so there is less of the so called object.

Back in the saddle.

I was challenged lately at the Eden Mills writer's festival by a friend. We were talking about blogs and I mentioned I have a blog but I haven't written anything on it for a few months. He said that isn't a blog! I said it is an artifact of the blogosphere and realized I didn't want to be an artifact. So I am back.

I think the reason that I haven't blogged for a while is that I am writing about my spiritual experience and to be quite honest things are a bit stalled for me. Not to say I'm not still meditating and thinking about connection with truth but I am not having those so called insights that I was having. Life, stuff like working and repairing the homestead and people getting married and people breaking up, has been getting in the way. Now I am realizing that is all part of the big picture, so out the artifacts and into the art.

Fear is the enemy of learning.
It is the enemy of learning how to live together as one, it is the enemy of learning how to resolve differences, it is the enemy of learning to live in peace, it is the enemy of learning to listen with openness, it is the enemy of learning to let go of the things that we think we need.


Love is the quality that overcomes fear allowing us to be together, supporting one another and helping one another grow! Love is not scarce, love is everywhere for those who are not blinded by fear.

What to use to determine the validity of a subjective experience?
I think Ken Wilbur answers this question by saying that the 4 quadrants must be fulfilled in every quadrant. I think this is sort of like saying that there are natural laws.
How are the natural laws discovered? In the external or physical realm there is the scientific methodology that sets up repeatable conditions and then measures things as they are put through their paces. Of course, you come to the Quantum problem where in the thing that does the measuring affects the thing that is measured and therefore the thing measured is not the thing in and of itself.

The buddhist view is that all things are interdependent and so appearances are illusions created by the mind. This doesn't mean that you can't operate in the world because everything dissolves into fairy dust, but it does mean that if you say something doesn't change and this is the way it is and then make up laws about it or base your beliefs on that thing that you think will not change then you will find your belief eventually washed away by the winds of change.

A nerve thread
Statement: Subjective experience does not lead to facts.

Question: Does this mean that facts don't add up to subjective experiences? Do facts lead to objective experiences, experiences that we all can have or do have or must have? What then is a fact? A fact is something that is perceived and perception is something subjective.

Therefore facts are subjective. Now what to do?

Does subjective experience preclude objectivity? I guess the problem is what to use to determine the validity of a subjective experience? If I can say this is my experience and expect that to be the truth I can say God spoke to me. But how does one disprove or prove this? Through their own experience and the so called nature of the universe. How do you arrive at an idea of the nature of the universe?

Reality
Lately I have been struggling with a couple of different pursuits in my brain. I was able to articulate it last night with a friend and thought I would capture it here now. My tension seems to be the idea of manifesting reality, or co-creating reality in Wayne Dyer's phrasing, and simple meditation. The thing is I see these two avenues of my brain as being not so much different roads as more cul-de-sacs on the same street. My problem it seems comes from the desire to manifest for my family an existence that is comfortable, and of course this means lots of things but mostly it means this idea of bringing forth, of co-creating. Now over on the other cul-de-sac is the hope of enlightenment and manifesting compassion and wisdom. Right away I see that both things involve manifesting. The idea that I Am that I can bring into being what I tell myself I want. But what I have found is that I want is the thing that is confusing the picture. I have desire and I want to be aware and accept abundance, and I want to be non-attached, not have aversion. My friend, who is wise and knows me and that I have kids and that I want the best for them brought to my attention that my kids have their own karma and regardless of what I bring into being they will still have their karma to deal with. I know that already just by being born in North America they have material wealth beyond most of the world. Where my concerns are music lessons, dance lessons blah, blah, blah , a large percentage of the world is looking for their next meal.
So what is my problem? The problem is still one of ego and attachment. The thing is I can manifest reality, the issue is my conditioning to think that material well being is the road to happiness.

Emptiness
I'm reading The Tantric Mysticism of Tibet by John Blofeld right now, along with Eye to Eye by Ken Wilber. I love both of these books. The subtitle of the Eye to Eye is The Quest for the New Paradigm, and it certainly does the job.
But back to Blofeld for a minute. Last night I read a line about visualization, particularly the tantric practice of becoming the deity that you are visualizing. Blofeld contextualized this by saying that visualization is something that is quite foreign to the western mind and that usually the idea of manifesting reality is seen as hocus pocus. But he says the idea is really based on the concept of emptiness, that the meditators emptiness and the deities emptiness are one and so that is why it is possible to become that visualized deity. I just found that one statement to very profound, put the book down and started meditating!

Learning Organizations
I'm developing an interest in learning societies. Otto Scharmer has developed a very clear model that shows the incredibly valuable connection between transforming both self and the culture. Another good book that I'm reading which has been around for a while is The Dance of Change. A bunch of co-authors on this one but Peter Senge is the one that stands out. Now this book is more specifically about business culture but I find it very encouraging reading these ideas from top business leaders and the insights that they have had that point to the benefit of decentralizing authority.
Change is inevitable but it seems that organizations truely resist change and this is what can cause so many problems within organizations.
One change that I've brought to my approach of going into meetings where I usually feel nervous or appathetic is to keep the wisdom mantra in single pointed concentration. It helps me apply myself more to the problem and be more attuned to energy issues within the group that is meeting.

Being present plus non-attachment equals freedom:
I suppose the first thing I have to do is practice. I need to practice being present. It is an odd fact of being human that being present, being in the NOW, in the moment does not come naturally. Or maybe more to the point being natural does not come naturally. The innate inner state of being human is one of calm abiding and yet we don't get to experience this calm abiding unless we tame our wandering mind. The wandering mind is the thing that not only wanders but then gets attached to things that are wandering by. Without practice, practice, practice, I am easily blindsided by my thoughtless, unskillful, uncompassionate behaivour.
I have been mulling this over since I made the comment that just being present does not necessarily lead to freedom. You need to be present in nothingness, non-attachment. Nothingness is the sense of total interdependence, not oblivion. So you can sit and be present but as soon as you become attached to one of those flowing ideas/objects that are going through your mind you are no longer free.

This morning I woke up with every intention to write for half an hour. I didn't sleep well as my one daughter climbed into bed with my wife and I and then proceeded to kick the blankets off every 10 minutes. Our other daughter woke up and I had to go in and stay with her for the rest of the night. Then my dreams were anxiety driven sales performance, ebay store intoxicated. I woke up at 5:30 with my daughter clinging to my arm. I tried to extricate myself from her grasp, finally by 6:00 I got out of bed and started to write. I wrote for 5 minutes when who should appear but my kids wanting breakfast.
I screamed inside, but let out a grunt... can we never have any time alone!
On the bus to work I was reading The Spiritual Teaching of Ramana Maharshi, and just coincidentally, was on a chapter about solitude:

• The disciple asks: Is solitude necessary for sannyasin?


• Maharashi replies: Solitude is in the mind of man. One might be in the thick of the world and yet maintain perfect serenity of mind; such a person is always in solitude. Another may stay in a the forest but still be unable to control his mind..... solitude is an attitude of mind.

The universe is a good teacher!

Mantras
I recently came across a couple of really good books on mantras and mudras. The one is by Lillian Too.

This I am finding is a great resource for lots of mantras especially two that I've been looking for: 35 prostrations mantra and the Praise of the 21 Tara mantras. My wife is reading a feng shui book by her, which I suppose is her real specialty but the mantra book is good too.
The other book I've actually had on my shelf for a while but decided to pull it out again. It is Mudras, Yoga in your Hands. I find hand mudras interesting ways to approach the whole opening of channels and shifting energy. This one is by Gertrude Hirschi.

Burn baby burn continued
On Sunday I decided to initiate spring for myself and my family with a ritual fire. I say ritual fire to give it the sense that I was bringing the intention of getting rid of bad energy by making mantra offerings. I started the fire at 8:00 in the morning and found myself huffing and puffing away trying to get enough fire wood to burn. I was just using the brush from my backyard, our christmas tree, and some other seasonal ornaments made from pine and cedar. This was part of the ritual as well, send back the spirit of the christmas tree into the cosmos. It all sounds sort of funny but I think it was a good way of creating a sacred space.

At certain points I would throw on some pine boughs and the smoke would pour into the sky. The sun was brilliant and with the smoke plummeting out of the blaze I could peer at the sun and think that is what negative energy does to you, it blocks out the sunlight. Attention and intention allows you to see into that haze and clear out the smoke.
It was sort of like a fire puja but without too much ritualization.

A nice added element of the "ritual" was a pot of burning incense. My brother brought over some sage that burned for about an hour that added an amazing smell to the whole affair.
At the end of the fire, around noon, I felt very tired and sort of cleansed. It is certainly something I will do again.

One Pointed Concentration:
This is the opposite of mult-tasking which goes contrary to todays work environment. The idea for one-pointedness is that Zen philosophy, or more precisely buddhist teaching that when you walk, walk, when you talk, talk, when you write, write and so on.
But of course with the computer this becomes more entangled. Now I can check out books from the library, have a news feed coming in, browse wikipedia, work a bit on a spec, read some requirements, listen to a podcast and on and on.
I wrote about listening to teachings while working a while back and someone said isn't that distracting? And I said oh no I can just go back if I miss something, but I can't go back in time and give back to my work the distraction that I gave to it. And I've come to realize I get more frustrated trying to listen and do other things at the same time, which isn't good karma.
The trick that everyone has learned with the computer in the workplace is that you can do all this other stuff while still sitting at your desk. Maybe this is a problem with the modern worker and the dependence on the computer? I don't know but I do know you can bring more single pointedness to even this environment.
Take for example surfing the web. The very paradigm is one of distraction. Get online and start researching, then you start clicking links and before long you have lost your intention to pursue the topic that interested you and learned a little about a lot, if any of it sticks!
This is a lesson I learn over and over. When I was following Natalie Goldberg's Writing Practice, I learned to keep the pen moving to a timer. Don't stop writing until the timer goes off. Later I started using the timer for my meditation practice. It help to remove the distraction of always checking the time.

Burn baby burn
Lately, I've been thinking about manifesting and I am reading Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. Here is a book that I've known about for years and yet it isn't until now that I flipped through the contents and said hey, this is good teaching.

So I have decided one of the visualizations I'm actively doing is the medicine buddha. I have been doing this for about six years now, but I have finally hit a point where I am now visualizing the medicine buddha over our house.
It is with this visualization and mantra and the purchase of incense today, that I come to the point of this blog. I am going to do a "spring cleaning" burn in my backyard. This is my own idea but one that I'm pretty sure I can track down to some practice some where, perhaps the native idea of a smudge? I am going to burn the christmas tree and other christmas ornaments as well as incense and hope to attain some sense of offering to all the protecting spirits.

Social Network for Change

I've been thinking about the social network phenomenon and what it means to me and my agenda for personal change. With Zaadz.com I've found I've been prompted to remember a lot of books and movies I've seen and when I add those to my profile, click on them and find a group of people who have also listed those things, I get to click on their profiles and find even more stuff.
Of course that is the danger as well, finding more stuff. Ultimately you need to have the confidence in your own experience that it is enough. That you have the wisdom of the ancient of days in you and that you need to listen to that voice.

On another tangent, I'm reading Ken Wilber's Eye to Eye text right now. It is some refresher for me concerning the history of scientism and philosophy but I like how he has defined body, mind and soul as three eyes. I've only read a bit of Wilber's stuff but I'm finding it really resonates with where I'm at right now.

I'm not getting older I'm getting better

I am listening to a program on aging right now with Angeles Arrien. It is a wise and insightful interview about aging based on her book The Second half of Life. One of the neat things I heard her say, was that journaling strengthens the immune system!

She is specifically talking about the wisdom years and there are some great examples of people coming into their own at age 55 and up. One person she talks about is Dr. Seuss. He didn't start writing his books till he was 53 or something.

The site that I found the interview on is New Dimensions Radio It seems like an inspiring place to tune in to.

A quick post about a couple of neat sites I've found. First I came across
Zenubound. Looks like a site to aspire to. They have a good entry they call the blogisattva award that has good links to other intriguing dharma blogs.
The Awards (and here I thought I was being original!)

The other site is a social networking site called Zaadze. Zaad is Dutch for "seed."
It is in beta and you have to submit a request to become a member but it sounds totally cool. My user is called Magically Delicious.

I've always thought the superhero genre has had a bigger influence on our culture than people know. O.K. I say always thought, but that isn't true. I guess I've only been reflecting on the idea since I started reading writers like Ken Kesey and other beatniks. They seem to have been influenced by their comic book heroes when they were kids.

I don't want to get into the notion of heroes and myths in detail other than to say I see the superheros as mythic characters. The reason I am thinking about this right now is because I listened to an interview yesterday between Andrew Cohen and three gurus:

• Swami Chetanananda


• Master Charles Cannon

and

• Swami Shankarananda

The funniest thing they said was when they were talking about great power and great responsibility and they all said 'did you see that Spiderman movie?'.

What it Enlightenment
Just found the magazine What is Enlightenment at the Bookshelf, our local independent bookstore. The web site is worth checking out. I just created a 30 day trial and am listening to the dialogue between Ken Wilber and Andrew Cohen. It is quite engaging and I may even keep my account for the $10 a month fee.
The off the shelf magazine had an interesting article I purused on reincarnation and a sort of self incarnation tree of contemporary people claiming to be the incarnation of certain great people in history. At first I found it funny, and it is a hard thing to explain to people without sort of mocking, especially in our culture. However, if you think about it, it makes sense that highly developed people would be able to choose their current incarnation and then show their previous lives as a lesson.

Frappr
I found this site a while ago but never bothered to investigate it. Well I've finally decided to stake my claim in its space with the buddha of infinite light. That, by the way is the way that I'm starting to see the buddha and Christ and all great avatars of God. I'm also using an image of the limitless diamond pointed arrows of light to shoot into the cloud of negativity that tries to enter into my confidence, but I digress.
Frappr is a cool social networking tool that lets you map your location and post to a blog and create groups of friends. It seems like a neat way to keep in touch with what individuals are doing in the world. And so I created a group as well called Buddha Live. Click Buddhatrip to see me on the map. Hey and join my group so I know where you live.

Work/Meditate
I have a work/meditation practice that has been going on now for 2 years. I started it a while back, in the summer when I wanted to make some changes in my life. I already had a meditation practice but not everyday. Our company moved from a downtown location to one in the middle of nowhere so suddenly I wasn't going out everyday for lunch because there was nowhere to go. Some of my coworkers started playing cards, and that just seemed like a waste of time to me so I decided to use my lunch to calm my mind.
The practice started with just the breath. I would lie on my back and watch the sky and empty my mind and then I would just follow the breath in and out. Well eventually the cold weather returned and I wanted to continue my practice because I was experiencing some really good sits. So I asked the owner of the company if I could use the board room at lunch to continue my meditation. This is one of the good things about where I work. I can share my spiritual inclinations openly. Some people mock me but not too much.
When I began in the board room I decided to start using the meditation time for doing mantras instead of just the breath. Today for instance I sat for 15 minutes and said the Vajrasattva mantra, Manjushri and Medicine buddha. When I go through the mantras I then just sit with the breath again.
I can't tell you how much the practice has become essential to a more peaceful state for myself.

Slow Down:

This was the homework given to us last night in our lo jong group. We read a piece from Eknath Easwaren's book, Meditation, the chapter on slowing down. In that chapter Easwaren describes his coming to America from a rural Indian village where he walked everyday at about 3km an hour and if for an emergency, 4km an hour. His arrival on New Yorks doorstep showed him immediatly a culture that is racing everyday and getting nowhere, fast!
So this morning I decided to slow down. I already bike to work but I know that speed is a state of mind. Somedays I'm racing just as fast as the person on the 401 accept it is all up in my head. I don't notice the little things about the weather and the wildlife. I just keep on going and show up to work if not as stressed as a regular commuter, nearly as stressed.
How did I change this morning you ask? Well for one I chose slightly different routes to work. I went through the park at a different place. I walked across the foot bridge instead of riding. I stopped to stare at the steam rising off of the river and watched the geese meandering along in the water. I thought about them!
Then I went throught the bushier part of the trail that I normally take to get to work. I stared at the diamond like reflections coming off of the snow and let the beauty of it enter me.
I went futher along the trail then normal instead of getting out to bike on the road.
I breathed differently.
What was the cost in time to me? Nothing. I thought I was going to be late but I got to work at the same time I normally do. I was quite surprised by that. It felt like I was taking all the time in the world but again perception was the key difference.
I also gained more insight into some imagery I've been developing as a result of taking the different routes to work.
It is hard to constantly try to apply the slow down motto. Speed is like an addiction, before you know it you're racing ahead again like everyone else. The impetus of the culture is huge. But the benefits of slowing down are enormous.

(mind you i did write this entry fairly quickly!)

Buddha of Infinite Light
by D.T Suzuki

I am constantly being amazed these days by the similarities between certain teachings of Christianity and Buddhism. Suzuki's book, based on lectures given in the 1950's draws these parallels very clearly for me.
The school of buddhism is Pure Land buddhism or Shin Buddhism, the most popular form practiced in Japan. The main thing involved in the primal vow mantra which in many ways speaks to me of accepting Christ as your saviour. But even more parallel is the notion of monadism that Suzuki speaks of. He compares monadism to the idea of a mother cat carrying her baby in her mouth and the baby not doing anything to help. Contrast that with a baby monkey who rides on the mother's back and has to hang on for dear life so the mother doesn't have to work so hard.
In the Shin buddhist teaching we are all the baby cat. There isn't anything we can do to get to the other shore, or the Pure land. But we don't know that until we try our hardest to get there on our own. And then we see the Amida buddha holding out a hand for us to grab ahold of and be pulled ashore.
You can click here 48 vows to read the 48 vows that Shin buddhism is based upon.

The Poet


by Jane Hirshfield

She is working now, in a room
not unlike this one,
the one where I write, or you read.
Her table is covered with paper.
The light of the lamp would be
tempered by a shade, where the bulb's
single harshness might dissolve,
but it is not; she has taken it off.
Her poems? I will never know them,
though they are the ones I most need.
Even the alphabet she writes in
I cannot decipher. Her chair --
let us imagine whether it is leather
or canvas, vinyl or wicker. Let her
have a chair, her shadeless lamp,
the table. Let one or two she loves
be in the next room. Let the door
be closed, the sleeping ones healthy.
Let her have time, and silence,
enough paper to make mistakes and go on.


© Jane Hirshfield

Just came across an article on Jane Hirshfield in Buddha News and reminded me how much I like her work. Thought I would post a poem of hers here.

Saved!
I just read an article that got me thinking about my past christian days and the concept that all you have to do is accept Jesus as your personal saviour and you will be instantly transformed. The writer of the article expresses some envy over this notion because it seems to imply that there is no work involved in the born again christian world. Well I know from my own experience that this seems to be a misunderstanding not only of those who profess the born again faith but also of those looking in from the outside. I think it is quite plain that no change will happen if you don't hold your mind in check.

More and more I think the notion of being born again, being saved etc. is not unlike the belief that buddhists have about being enlightened. Apparently when you do awake you realize you were always awake, that you have buddha nature. Attachment to things is an obstacle to seeing your true essence. There are certainly obstacles for the christian who claims to be saved to realizing that salvation.

Observe the observer
Another Monday morning bus ride and I was able to think through some stuff about fear and group consciousness. I'm reading a good book by Derrick Sweet right now and one of the things I'm taking away from it is the idea of Japa meditation. I know Wayne Dyer has talked about this form of meditation as well and I remember thinking at the time that I was reading his The Power of Intention that it was similiar to buddhist teaching on transmission. When you do an initiation you visualize your guru as the buddha and also yourself as the buddha. So the japa meditation is familiar in that you see yourself doing the thing that you want to do. I am starting to use that form more actively now, starting this morning, on the bus!

What is buddhism? Once upon a time I thought I knew. I thought it was that other religion, the one where nothing really made sense. Not like the reason based religion that I practised, where all of the scripture was rooted in history and therefore provable.
I now am of the opinion that neither buddhism not my previous religious practice needs to worry about being rooted in history. History rots the truth, the same way time rots all things. Truth is beyond religious bigotry and bias. Now I am trying to see and hear with eyes that see and ears that hear. Beyond the anger and fear of cultural practices. And that goes for buddhism and christianity.
I find it odd that Islam is being so badly portrayed in the press thanks to the idiocy of a few ruling shahs. Surely the truth of Islam has nothing to do with violence or hatred of those who don't see things the same way that you do. That wouldn't be truth at all but something completely different.

Despite its communist government, Vietnam remains steeped in Buddhist tradition and animist spirituality. You can see it in the dun- and pink-colored pagodas, the ancestor shrines on every street corner, and the incense sticks burning in the bumpers of transport trucks.

It’s a unique combination, a culture shaped by not one but two ostensibly anti-materialist philosophies, and it makes it especially intriguing that Vietnam is now being introduced to the fine art of advertising. In the early 1990s, the country opened its doors to the free market, and termed this political maneuvering "market socialism." So while Prime Minister Phan Van Khai's government continues to control the media, the brand names are given free reign.

Read More....

Complexities arise as you begin to immerse yourself in a spiritual practice. I've experienced this with my past Christian practice, and am now beginning to see similiar complexities with buddhist practice. Really, what seems to be true is that you really can't put your faith blindly in anything.

What am I talking about? Just recently I read two sort of disturbing forums/dialogues about 1) Nichiren Buddhism and 2) Geshe Michael Roach. I don't think it is necessary to go into the details of the posts, other than to say they made me cringe and nervous in the way that I once cringed and was nervous when fundamentalists slammed every other variety of christian out there or when a strong, visible leader stumbled and I realized my own faith was rocked as a result.

What I am taking away from my recent disillusionment is this: Listen to your own mind, check in with your own experience and follow your own heart. I know that too often I put my trust in other people to tell me what is right and wrong. That means tradition etc. It is just too tempting to opt out of the decision making process and let yourself follow blindly.

I know there are a lot of times that you need to trust that the answer will be revealed. I'm not knocking the 'I don't know yet' answer. But watch your heart, that is all. Trust yourself, the wisdom is ultimately inside of you.